THE ODDITY CALLED NEW YEAR!!
The Muslims celebrate their New Year in the month of October, Sikhs during March; the Jews during September/October and the Buddhist New Year varying from mid-Jan to mid-April. January 1st, Is it meant for the Christians? Maybe! January 1st (8th day after the birth of Jesus) is when a baby was circumcised as per the Jewish customs and given the name Jesus. If you are an Eastern Orthodox then it is the Feast day and if you are a Catholic then it is Solemnity of Mother Mary. Either way, it is a more religious occasion which calls for special prayers and sermons.
When there is Baishaki for Punjabis, Navreh for Kashmiris, Rongali Bihu for Assam, Maha Vishuva Shankaranthi for the Odisha people, Puthandu for the Tamils, Vishu for Keralaites, Ugadi for the people of Karnataka/Andhra Pradesh & Naba Barsha for the Bengalis – Why a New Year on January 1st?!
When the financial year ends in March and my academic year ending in June – How can January be my New Year??
Junk such logic & ring-in the New Year in style. Because it is the only day when your apartment folks (gated community) would rather smile than giving that cold stare, blast Bollywood tunes at high decibels late into the night (which is a crime on any other day of the year) and let primates(their kids) dance as their gleeful families smile ear-to-ear.
Make it a DJ night! Yeah, DJ! The guy who gets cocky this evening and scratches the disk like a congenital psoriasis patient so that nobody understands the song he plays. Head-banging is a must-do act on the party floor but ensure that you don’t bang against other heads. Unlimited food & beverages for a couple priced at an average of Rs.3999 only is a style statement (when Rs.3000 remains to be the monthly income for many BPL families). Drink like a fish! But I bet you it will be a peg less than your usual since you reach sobriety quick due to the excitement of the New Year that makes your hormones go extra excited. But make sure you are on your legs (and not on your fours) when the clock ticks 12.00.
Smoke some weed! Because Annual clearance sale is here. Heroin, LSD, ecstasy, cannabis, cocaine, hydrocodone and methamphetamine which entered our country via Nepal is here for sale. The Sooner we clear them on the New Year’s Eve, the sooner we get fresh stocks for 2016. Don’t be shy to for them today because the guy across the counter will be selling it without any shame this evening. And don’t forget to wish that African guy outside the bar near MG Road, because he is there honoring the unwritten code (I leave it to your imagination) in the Indo-African bilateral trade relations.
Mass Kissing! A new found tradition in India when the clock ticks 12.00. No qualms about whom you are kissing and how long you are kissing. But ensure that the Times of India (TOI) cameraman is not around you. Am sure nobody wants to be an overnight sensation by stealing a spot in the next day’s newspaper.
On your way back home generously tip the Cop! You heard me right. Tip them! Didn’t you read the caveat in today’s headlines claiming that drunken driving tonight may cost you your license?? So spare some change for them. May luck smile upon you and hope you don’t land in the hands of those Policemen and people who love ‘Moral Policing’ (Oh yeah! I heard you. This is Bangalore and not Mangalore).
You can go to sleep at 3am wishing the elders a very good morning. Do join them early for the customary visit to the temple, of course after brushing your teeth. Because the tulsi water offered at the temple may taste like non-alcoholic warm tequila. Go back home, slip over the couch, snuggle under the quilt with your usual cup of coffee (the hangover terminator) and think for a while what changed around you in the last 12 hours. Well if your mind is completely blank then you are there mate.
Did I somewhere say naming of Baby Jesus is the significance of January 1st?? Alas! Let the religious keep it religious and the rest of us celebrate it religiously. Happy New Year!
P.S: Don’t forget to hang the new calendar at your desk and do the customary counting of holidays during the year.
Author: Professor Vijay, Bengaluru
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